11 posts tagged “monthly newsletter”

In the aftermath of September 11, when the smoke had literally and figuratively cleared, and people started to breathe and accept that it was okay to have fun again, there were many political cartoons that made their way around the globe.  My favorite is similar to this one.

EagleSharpeningClaws_framed

The one I remember has the eagle wearing some bandages.  No, this isn't going to be a 9-11 essay.  This is going to be a motivation pep talk.  Like most people do at this time of the year, I think about what I did and didn't do in 2007 and think about how to improve for the next year and beyond.

I feel like that eagle: beaten up, but not yet dead and so getting ready to go on the Offensive.   I've identified some key areas I need to work on and improve.  Some of these I looked up the dictionary definition, others I just came up with my thought:

OFFENSE

Confidence:  the belief in oneself and one's powers or abilities; self-reliance; assurance; certitude.  This is my achilles heel.  I often lack confidence especially in unfamiliar areas or areas where I have not had a lot of success.  I notice one thing I do is try to set the expectation realistic and that comes off as sounding unconfident.

Self-Esteem: a realistic respect for or favorable impression of oneself; self-respect.  Often confused with Confidence, but not exactly the same thing.    A long time ago, a stranger we shared a table with at Bene Hanna remarked "you only love yourself halfway."  He was right.  I need to learn to like myself completely, imperfections and all.

Boldness:  Simple put, I have to take more chances, more shots down field.  It's sometimes a fine line between taking your shot and forcing things but looking back on 2007, I definitely played too conservative and let some chances slip past me.  I tend to take calculated risks instead of full blown chances and while that is usually the safer path, it has also held me back.  I know I'm not that high-risk, high-reward oriented.  I only take calculated risks, not long shot chances.

Maybe it's because I usually have a tendency to do well where others don't because I certain seem to flounder in areas that others succeed without even trying.

Pickiness:  I need to be more selective about the people I consider friends and the ladies I go after.

Poise: Be yourself, don't fight yourself. And also, I have to not lose my temper so much.  

DEFENSE

I have been writing this blog for one year now.  Not as consistently as I had hoped, but I have accomplished some of the things I set out to do.  For instance, I do have cyber-friends who post comments and send private messages and I try to return the favor on their postings.  Also, my real-world friends check in from time to time and then email me asking who some of the code-names are.

The same can be said for the last year.  A lot of good things have happened with the potential for even greater success.  Even some of the negative moments not only had a silver lining but provided an opportunity to make necessary changes for the better.

Not the Gregorian Calendar:  My calendar revolves around the Chicago Marathon which is practically my Christmas.  That makes Halloween my New Year's Eve.  So then I usually spend November lying low and recharging.  In December I come up for air and hit a few holiday parties.  When the new year starts, I usually have my objectives for the year already targeted. 

Since my makeup marathon, my running has been greatly reduced.  I was starting to see some signs of speed and endurance returning until the flag football game a few weeks ago that strained a hamstring.  Today I had my first run that wasn't a struggle.  My pace wasn't what I would call comfortable, but I did manage to average 8:30s which is faster than I've run in a while.  I'm about 85 miles away from hitting 1200 for the year.  I don't care if I do it or not.  My plan is to run on days when I can for as much as I want and we'll see what happens. 

Well if I can't go to Boston:  Next year I'm looking at three marathons.  A Three-peat of St Louis in April, an international marathon (probably Prague) in May, and of course Chicago in October.  It's probably overly ambitious to plan that much but what do I have to lose? 

Okay I wanted to get a newsletter in before October ended but unfortunately Life gets in the way around here.  October was a busy month and I'm hoping that things settle down just a little bit before the holidays so I can get some home projects completed.

Redemption Run

After the fiasco that was the Chicago Marathon, the racing community rallied and various marathons have offered Chicago Marathon participants things like discounted or free admission to their marathons.  The Lakefront 40 Ultra Marathon here in Chicago added a marathon distance.  They capped it at 200 participants and I don't know if that filled up or what.  I only know that I was one of the people who showed up on the 27th looking for a second chance attempt at BQing.

I told myself that I would never run three marathons in a year again, and certainly not back-to-back Jacks like this month.  But when this chance came about, I knew I had to take my shot downfield. Of course I didn't BQ but I did run a 3:58 which is great for someone who ran a 5 hour marathon just three weeks before in horrendous conditions. 

Good Bye Student Loans

my student loans are officially paid off.  I didn't really expect the people at SLA to throw a parade but I hoped for a little more than a ubiquitous email that said my electronic payment plan would be suspended until further notice. Now I have to work on my HELOC.  My goal is to get to a point where all I have is my mortgage bill, utilities and food. Then if I were to lose my job, I could get a roommate and a job with a cut in pay to make ends meet.

Okay, there wasn't a Month Eight Newsletter.  I've been so busy with work and training that there hasn't been much to really write about.  My July was spent trying to get my running in and dealing with the Chicago heat. 

People ask me how the new job is and because I'm not one to simply give a canned sound-byte answer, I feel like I confuse them.  My gut reaction is to try and say that it's way too early to know exactly what I signed up for but there have already been some dicey moments.  Instead, I've learned to say: so far, so good.  There are some Mickey Mouse rules that drive me up the wall but I'm learning so much.  I'm learning that these Mickey Mouse rules make my old gig look like Utopia. 

These people often follow up with well at least it's better than your old job, right?  Sure.  Any job in Corporate America is going to have its ups and downs.  It's not called work because you get to hang out at the beach.  Someone is paying you to do a job and theoretically, the more you get paid, the more work they expect out of you. 

It's not even that I hated my old job...much.  But I was never going to advance and you can only deal with the same old tech support issues day in and day out before your mind starts to rot. 

Halftime Adjustments

One major downside of training for a Fall Marathon is that as your training progresses, you summer shrinks.  In May/June, the mileage requirements are low and you're able to get in your runs and still have a social life.  You make all sorts of plans: street fests, cookouts, after work cocktails, etc.  Then July hits and as the miles increase, so does the heat.  This makes getting the runs in a bit more challenging.  You're either running early or late -- or a combo of both -- to beat the heat.  You make tradeoffs with your social life.

By August things start to take its toll.  No one is 100% and some are banged up, beaten or even downright injured.  You might have a few bad runs and you ask yourself: why am I doing this?  September arrives and you can't even fully enjoy Labor Day weekend because it might just happen to be the weekend of your 20 mile run.  At this point the going to bed early on Fridays and getting up early on Saturdays is getting old.  And the ironic thing about this is that even though the marathon is just around the corner, you almost wish you had another month to be ready.

Losing Focus - Keep Holding On

At the beginning of the year, I felt like I was fighting battles on several fronts.  Work, people at church, my mother, and of course FWDWM.  After so taking crap for so many years, I decided that some changes needed to be made.  Hard decisions, radical actions was my war cry.  And I did it.  I changed the parameters of my friendship with FWDWM, stood firm against my mom's toxicity and changed jobs.  Some compromising was necessary.  A gentle yet cautious peace has developed between myself and the ones at church.  My mom and I are on good terms because I realize that one day she won't be here.

But lately I feel like I've lost sight of that fire that sparked me in January.  Like I've become complacent now that things have lighted up a bit.  I need the fire back.

I was trying to explain something to a friend the other day and I couldn't quite articulate it.  I feel like I've used up all my chances when it comes to finding someone.  That isn't true of course.  Otherwise, I wouldn't be willing to let friends set me up on Saturday evenings or planning drinks a month from now with someone I met at a party a month ago.  I also feel like I'm only just beginning to figure things out, but I'm also running out of time.

So hopefully I can just get this in under the wire.  A lot of changes have occurred recently and in 2007, most of them for the good. 

The big story is that I started a new job this week.  For the last seven years, I've supported a particulare software product and haven't used my other computer skills that I've learned in G-School and various supplemental training courses over the year.  This new position expects to take advantage of that special knowledge but will also provide me opportunities to do other things and learn new products.

I got my grade and certificate for the Web Design Course.  The Web Design Course I wasn't qualified to take.  The WDC that delayed me leaving my old company sooner because I didn't want to learn a new job and a new class at the same time.  I got an A.  There came a point when I knew that I couldn't fail the course.  And there came a point where I knew that not getting a grade of an A wouldn't be because I didn't know what I was doing but simply because I wasn't trying.

Of course the old company didn't pay for the course because in the 21st Century DePaul just can't figure out how to get a student his grade in a timely manner.  Of course even if I had my grade the day the class ended, there's a good chance my old company would not have approved the reimbursement in a timely enough fashion and would have been able to put a stop order on it. 

Fortunately my new company paid for the course in order to get me to come over sooner than later.  

How Does This Keep Happening to Me?

During my time off I spent an afternoon with Tina.  Tina and I met four years ago at a Memorial Day party her friend was hosting for her.  I thought she was with someone -- and she was -- so I didn't ask her out.  Over the years we've seen each other at parties and some street fests, even the Eve of the Eve.  But recently we've had less superficial conversations and decided to spend the afternoon hanging out without anyone else. 

Tina keeps going on and on about her exes and how she believes her Soul Mate is out there somewhere.  If this were a movie, the audience would be screaming for us to get together, but as long as she has this blind spot I won't ask her out because it would end in disaster.  Having been here before with FWDWM, I have to find a way to make sure history doesn't repeat itself. 

So what have I done in the last month?  I've run three races since St Louis and PR'd in two of them.  I've also decided to self train for the Chicago Marathon instead of group lead with CARA or another running group. 

My web design course is complete.  I haven't received a grade yet, but I'm certain I passed and passed with a decent grade.  It wasn't a blow off course, but it wasn't Rocket Science 500 either.  I learned a few things that will help me with my personal web site and maybe put together a site for a friend or two.

How do you pronounce it?

I've started taking Polish language classes and it confirms what I already knew: Polish is a notoriously difficult language and I'll be lucky to come out of there knowing the alphabet.  Someone asked me the other day why I want to learn Polish.  I gave the canned answers.  It's part of my heritage, I'd like to run the Warsaw marathon, etc.  But the truth is, it has something to do with the apparent fact that among some Polish people, if you don't speak Polish, you are not Polish.  I should know better than to let that bother me, but it does. 

Besides, learning another language will be good for me.  I'm not so much into instant gratification as most Americans, but I do like to see some measurable improvement or results over a period of time.  I get frustrated if there are no decernable signs of improvement.

With running it's fairly straightforward.  Run a race.  Run it again a year later and if you run it x minutes faster, there's your improvement.  With things like langauge or dancing, it takes time to really see the results.  The good news is that I'm doing it.  For as long as I can remember, Each year I've made a list of things I want to accomplish in the coming year.  Learn Polish has been on the list but it's always taken a back seat to other things. 

The Magical Year...and what could have been

For the longest part of my life, I put off buying a home because I figured that was something I didn't need to worry about until there was that Special Someone in my life.  Then I decided, I couldn't wait any longer for her to show up, so I'm gonna just buy a place and she'd better like the one I picked out.  Ironically, the year I bought my place was also the year I did find that Special Person...and like a fool I didn't realize what I had, so I lost it.

The Cubs were supposed to win the World Series and I was supposed to Boston Qualify.  This year feels a little bit like 2003 but you can't expect a complete repeat.

This is the last day of April and I thought I'd post the additional newsletter I promised a few weeks ago.  The St Louis Marathon turned out well.  Even though my time was four seconds slower than last year and I walked a little bit, I felt as if I did have a Boston Qualification time in me.  For long stretches of the run, I was cruising along at sub-7:45s and not feeling any pain.  It was only when the hills came into play that I slowed down.

Writing on the Wall

I got reemed on my annual review by my old boss.  I expected, and probably deserved, the "failed to meet expectations" rating.  But the points that he used to justify it were cheap shots taken to advanced a hidden agenda.  Best case scenario, they are simply invoking the no merit increase clause in the corporate handbook.  Worst case is they are positioning things so that it will be easier to terminate me should the need arise.

What was I thinking?

The course I'm taking is about half over.  It hasn't been quite what I expected, but I am learning a few cool things and it will look good on the resume.  The week that I returned from my St Louis trip was the toughest because I got back just in time to get to the Tuesday evening class (I was actually 30 minutes late) and I had prior obligations that Wednesday and Friday so my free time for studying and homework was limited.  Now that I've had a chance to catch up I feel a little better about how I will do.  I still don't have that "i'm gonna nail this course" feeling that I would like, but I feel like I can get a pass on a Pass/Fail option if it comes to it.

I'm really glad that I didn't try to simultaneously take the Beginning Polish class that would have tied up my Monday's as well. 

Okay i forgot to put together a monthly newsletter for March so there might be two this month.  There's some things in the works that I can't talk about right now.  Not because I'm worried someone will read this blog...i don't have any consistent readers.  No I just don't want to jinx it or get my hopes up until i know for sure.

Down to the Wire

I mentioned the course I wanted to take, the one that depending on the day of the week I was either taking or not.  Well, I talked with the professor and convinced her that I could handle it.  Then my boss told me that our director was concerned that I should be taking something more applicable to my current duties.  It was really a see if Icarus flinches moment and I didn't budge.  I also had a chance to ask my director today if he was going to sign off on the course.  He played it off like he couldn't remember if he'd even seen the paperwork but said that he didn't have a reason not to approve the course. 

I just hope the course still happens.  I sent in my credit card info last week and I still haven't been charged.  On the one hand, I'm happy because another day or two and the cost won't appear on my May statement -- which means I might get my reimbursement money in time to not have to use my own funds.  But the DePaul I remember has a charge students the minute they think about registering for a course so that the charge hasn't occurred makes me think that maybe they are waiting to be sure that the course is going to happen.

What Have I Done to Deserve This?

I mentioned a girl in the last newsletter.  I called her Quiz Night Lady because we met at a social gathering that involved forming teams to compete in a quiz.  QNL and I went on two dates, but I guess the magic faded because there was not a 3rd date, even though we talked about one.  I met a new girl the weekend before St Patrick's Day and we seemed to hit it off.  Unfortunately, she realized that she wasn't ready to get back into a relationship and did a 180.  We talked about dating casual, but even that turned out to be more work than it should have so I haven't contacted her. 

The Sum of All Fears

One of the things I'm trying to do is recognize and break unhealthy or unproductive patterns in my life.  It seems that there's always someone one the radar, be it QNL or SSP or whomever, that shows just enough promise to be a distraction.  Now that this latest one has come to an end, it might be a good opportunity for me to just stop trying to find someone and simply clear my head and focus on other things that I can succeed at.  I just have to learn to accept that I had a decent run with the opposite sex but a long term relationship isn't in the cards for me.

I feel like such a hiprocrite.  At a recent mass, I sat next to the person who treated me like crap last winter and made things difficult for me.  An unspoken cease fire occurred and in the name of diplomacy, a gentle peace developed.  Still, I never imagined sitting next to her in church.

I’ve been making an effort to keep this blog for three months now.  While my effort hasn’t been everything I’ve wanted it to be, I am proud that I have kept my promises in the offline world.  I got some dental work done and did my taxes.  My return is a decent size and it will all go to my home equity loan.  Yep, I’m all grown up and financially responsible now. 

I haven't made any decision about the FWDWM, other than to not make any decisions that will bind to me a particular path.  I have decided that I want the following:

• Friendships that are a healthy balance of give-and-take;

• A lady who wants to be with me...and I have to want to be with her.

Nothing has really changed because in Corporate America, you can be let go anytime for any reason, but I feel like my chances of making it to my seven year anniversary seem to have increased by a factor of ten.  For the first time in many weeks I feel like I can breathe. 

I don’t want to say too much about my company because people have been fired for merely mentioning the place they work in their blog.  I can say that we are going through something right now that will reveal itself later down the road.  I don’t think we are actually in the process of being bought out.  It's like we are trying to lose the winter weight, put on some make up and our best dress and hope someone asks us to the prom.  I just hope we don’t give it up to the first Fortune 500 company that winks at us because it will be the employees who get screwed.

3rd Times a Charm

Remember that class I wanted to take?  The one I wasn’t qualified for but then got canceled…well a seat has been saved for me in it.  If I’m gonna take this course – as I want and plan to – I have to hope that things in the new old position work out so that the company doesn’t go in another different direction and cut me before the course is compete and my tuition reimbursement check arrives.

The timing of the course is good in that my marathon will be over and training for the next one doesn't start until June.  I promised myself I would take it easier this year and not run 1200 miles in 2007.  While I'm on pace to do that two months into the year, the time I take off in April and May will bring my average down.  I still will run, can't stop that completely but I don't have to run 100 miles a month if I'm not training for anything.

Last month I wrote that I wanted to avoid a particular dating pattern that I noticed.  For a while it looked like I was going to experience that pattern again because I had consecutive dates with GirlA and GirlB planned.  However, GirlB got sick and we rescheduled.  By the time we went out, GirlA was already out of the picture.  The first date with GirlB was promising.  I've been here before so I won't get my hopes too high but I will remain positive.  Hopefully I'm writing more about her in the next newsletter and beyond.

What a difference a month makes.  So much has happened since the last newsletter.  While the drama within my church social group has subsided, the dicey situation at work has gotten worse.  On the positive side, my mom and I are exchanging emails.  The Chicago Bears are going to the SuperBowl. 

The drama within the church group ended by default because it centered around a New Year's Eve party which has not come to pass.  Actually, the drama was caused by other elements but the NYE party gave it a focus because we all had to interact.  Now that the party is over, an unspoken cease fire seems to have been called.  I'm suddenly back on multicast emails and invited to things. 

I got my camera fixed.  It ended up costing me $80 but was worth it.  I also got a letter from DePaul telling me that the class I wanted to take, and wasn't qualified for, was canceled and I would be on the waiting list for the Spring Class.  Hello Right Hand, have you met Mr Left!

There has been almost total communications silence between the friend-I-wanted-more-from and me.  She did text me a couple Saturdays ago to let me know that she was bringing a date to an event we were both going to be at.  I opted not to go. 

On my dating front, here's a pattern that I seem to always encounter.  I met a girl and we go out, have a good time.  GirlA then isn't available for a time -- in this case going out of town on vacation.  But then I meet another girl who if it weren't for the first girl, I'd ask out.  So I feel like if I ask GirlB out, GirlA will re-appear and be interested.  But if Iwait and GirlA continues to be MIA, I've blown it with GirlB because I waited to long to make a move.

Now yeah, I'm reading stuff into this that isn't there and jumping to conclusions.  What I'm trying to say is that this pattern has occured before...and 2007 is about breaking patterns, bad habits and old demons.