28 posts tagged “life lesson”

Not that I buy into this sort of thing, but here is my RedEye horoscope from January 7, 2008: 

A bouncy new moon is giving you a positive attitude about the new year.  Instead of obsessing about a lost love, you're focusing on finding new love.  Keep an open mind and and open heart and you'll go far in 2008.

A little sappy but I have to say, in retrospect, it was dead on. 

Here's one a few weeks later, January 28, 2008:

You're lost in a fantasy land, thanks to space cadet Neptune.  you're dreaming about the one who got away and thinking about what might have been.  Snap out of it, already.  There's a good reason why things end.

Again, words of wisdom.

Every couple of weeks or so, I upload my address book to Facebook -- using their little known geek utility that does this for you -- and send out add requests to new friends.  Last week, I forgot to Cherry Pick: select only the names I know instead of the people who were added to my contact lists because I "replied to all" on some ancient email.

I was pressed for time and figured anyone who didn't recognize me or see any Shared Friends would simply ignore the request.  Nope.  For every new friend confirmation from someone I legitimately knew, came two or three confirms from people I cannot figure out our connection at all.

When I first joined Facebook, it was simply me waiving the White Flag in surrender to the many friends who were on it.  I thought I would simply use it for connecting with long lost high school friends and as a potential networking tool.  Since then, the criteria has shifted to running friends, volleyball friends, friends/relatives of friends, etc.

Therefore, I can understand when someone simply clicks confirm when they get a request from someone they don't recognize.  What still surprises me is the acceptance from more than one lady whom I dated, ever so briefly.  To say things ended badly would make a mountain out of a mole hill.  However, if we were on the same last date, then it was fairly certain that we were not destined to continue on the same path.  Furthermore, a couple of these ladies led me to believe they would rather be sodimized by monkeys than ever see me again. 

Yet here it is not too many years later and they simply accept my friend request.  I guess time does heal all wounds.

So I got a friend request on Facebook from a fraternity* brother the other day.  I get these a bit lately as more and more of my generation catches the Facebook wave.  I was only at this school for 2.5 years but I made some good friendships that are still around, in one form or another, two decades later. 

When I get a Facebook friends request, I generally try to look through the requestor's friends to see if there are any more people I may know.  Usually there's a mutual friend or two already on my list (probably how they found me) and sometimes a friend I'm not connected with on Facebook so I'll add them.  Sometimes we send each other notes, more often (as the novelty of Facebook has worn off) we just leave it be.

Turns out, this new friend has a long lost friend of mine, who apparently married a friend of another friend of mine.  Confused?  Let me try to clear it up.

Steve sent me a friend request.  Turns out, he's friends with Paula, the girl I use to hang out with my third year at NMSU.  Paula ended up marrying Steve's friend Larry, whom I knew of, though didn't hang out with back then. 

This friends-request, like many on Facebook recently, got me thinking.  It's so strange that at one point in time someone or some group of people were so significant in my life and now they are in the backseat of the memory mobile.  As am I to them.  A hodgepodge of stories from another time and another place.

The life you have at this very moment is the direct result of the difference between the choices we make and the paths we didn't take. 

I'm very happy with the life I have today.  Sure there is some room for improvement -- I wish my mom wasn't having trouble with her house and I wish I could finally qualify for the Boston Marathon -- but for the most part, things are great.  But sometimes when I look back at the past, I realize that my stories aren't very Hollywood ending.  I seldom scored the winning touchdown or got the girl.

But all those squandered opportunities, mistakes and screw ups have led to a pretty good life today. 

*  Not your typical college fraternity; it was a co-ed service fraternity though we had our share of wild parties.

So I got this letter from my bank the other day.  Essentially it said that because my property value has declined, they can no longer support the full amount of the Line of Credit they issued me a year and a half ago.  The Line of Credit they insisted I take when they generiously offered to refinance my HELOC so that I could get a marginally better rate of interest, and they could obtain a few more years of maintenance fees.  I didn't want the amount they offered then, I was perfectly happy with the limit I had.

I'm a bit pissed because I was hoping to use that Line of Credit to make a downpayment on a second house purchase, as either investment property or to buy a bigger home so that the SigOther and I could live in while we rent our condos out until the market improved enough to sell them.

I'm pissed becuase I'm not the one with a mortgage in default.  I've paid my loans on time each month and only bought as much condo as I could afford when banks were handing out loans like hotcakes.  I'm not the one who let some ambitious yet devious realtor talk me into buying a home I couldn't afford and take on an impossible to pay loan from a seedy lender. 

My reward for being responsible with my money:  my efforts to purchase real estate in this economy get handcuffed even further.  Luckily, I am only using barely 10% of the LOC, so it doesn't make too much of a difference.  Some people have used their LOC to buy bonds or CDs or other short term investments and would be screwed right now.

Speaking of screwed, I feel bad for poor Ms Avers.  Ms Avers is selling her home that we looked at the other week.  We asked the Realtor some question and learned that she is selling the place because her children have finally moved out, her husband has passed away.  We also learned that the place has been on the market for five months and the asking price has dropped about $150K.  And that's what really sickens me. 

This woman isn't one of those people who bought a few years ago thinking that she could simply flip the place for a tidy profit.  This was her home for at least a generation.  It's not her fault the economy and housing market is tanking.  She should be entitled to retire on the proceeds from her home so she can move into a smaller place or a warmer climate and enjoy her golden years.  Instead, she has to cut her nest egg significantly just to be competitive. 

The house wasn't everything we are looking for and we have our own concerns to address, such as what to do with our condos.  We are gonna wait and watch the market.  If a place with everything we want goes on sale at a price we can afford, and the sun and moon aline and our places can be rented for the majority of their respective mortgages, we might make the move to snag said house.  But not if we have to bargain down some old lady's nest egg.

Conversation with former co-worker last night on Instant Messenger:

CO-WORKER27: so how's it going?
CO-WORKER27: like it?
CO-WORKER27: better than C2?
ICARUS: it's going good
ICARUS:  but so far, it's been orientation and training...the real work begins tomorrow
CO-WORKER27:  ooooooh
ICARUS:  however, I suspect that my worse day at this law firm will be better than my best day at C2
CO-WORKER27: that is AWESOME!
CO-WORKER27:  no Menace like types?
ICARUS:  My Menace is unique breed...the last one like her was killed when Dorothy threw a bucket of water on her
CO-WORKER27: OMG! that was hilarious!

So I'm starting a new job next week and unlike last year, I haven't sent a shout-out email to my world of friends.  For one thing, people are still saying to me "didn't you just start a new job?"  Yeah, if your definition of just is two summers have passed, then yeah I'm fresh on the payroll.

It's not that I expect everyone to keep track of my life, especially people I don't see all the time, but some of these people are a little more within my inner circle. 

Another reason for not broadcasting the job is people then ask the following questions in either order:

• Who are you working for?
• New job doing what?

People are just trying to show interest and hope that you say some place they've heard of like Microsoft, McDonalds or Sears.  Unless you are a lawyer or work within the legal industry or related field, you have not heard of this law firm.  And that's 100 percent freakin okay.  But some of the people I know just can't stop there.  When I say the name of the firm, they wince and you can see the wheels in their head spinning.  They cannot accept that they haven't heard of the place I'm going to work like it makes them lose higher ground in the conversation or something. 

And if that is bad, when I try to explain my new position, it's even worse.  Most people on this planet know what a plumber, a doctor or even a lawyer does.  But the majority of positions in Corporate America have titles that are not self-evident as to what they do unless you work with that person.  It isn't, but let's say my new job is Database Administrator.  If you are in the Information Technology industry, you have a fairly good idea what this means, otherwise I might have well as as I'm a Wookie Washer. 

Again, most people might simply say "Well I've never heard of that company and have no idea what that [position] is, but it sounds impressive, good luck." 

But then again, I don't know most people.

I sent a couple of friends a photo I took of one of them along with a casual invite to join me sunday at an event. 

Dan, I'm gonna be at the IAHC on Sunday for Irish Fest.  You should definitely come.  Karen, the IAHC is very close to your parent's home so you should stop by too.

The likelihood of either coming is slim; Dan doesn't like to leave his comfort zone of Old Town and Karen lives in the burbs with hubby and children.  I only mentioned it because dan has gone in the past -- back in the day when he was married and happy and not a shell of his former self.

But what I want to gripe about today is Karen's ditzyness.

She writes me back and asks "what's the IAHC".  I realize that it would be a stretch for most to figure out from my email that the I stands for Irish, the A is American and Heritage Center isn't a term that comes to mind.  So I write back and tell her Irish American Heritage Center and hope that is the end of it.

She writes back and asks where is it.  I demonstrate remarkable restraint and don't write back "as mentioned below, it's by your parents place."  Instead, I write that I don't know the exact address but it's at Wilson & Knoxx, near your parents."  Of course I couldn't resist adding "U2CG -- which is one way of saying "you too can google". 

This could have gone on and on, especially after she replied "Oh, you think I understand text-lingo?  YOu're so wrong."  But I just let it go with a "i'll try to remember that."

But it is one that does kinda irk me because I have to modify my behavior to accomodate someone and I find that is something that I've been too reluctant to do in the past.  That probably explains things like why most of my friends weren't jumping on the bandwagon to travel to Europe with me this year.

It's been a while since I wrote anything about the Judas-Jezebel Saga and I may not have written about post-Krazy Guatamalan's Birthday party events.  She and I chatted over IM a couple weeks after that and met for tea in person.  It seems that after I left KG party, she and her friends started talking about So-Suede's unusual behavior toward her and she decided to get out of there too and not look back. 

She told me that he said that he wasn't ready for a relationship, and was depressed.  He's also got a long commute to work since they closed his downtown location and he has to drive out to Aurora.  Couldn't happen to a nicer guy!

This is a conversation we had a few days ago.  I removed some of the extraneous banter but she brought up So-Suede so I decided to ask a question that has been on my mind for a while. 

Angela (3:38 PM):  just for the record... i don't think i count as one of So-Suede's girlfriends
Icarus (3:38 PM):  fair enough
Angela (3:41 PM):  well, at least you guys can hang out again
Angela (3:41 PM):  i don't ever want to be even a slight reason to your falling out
Icarus (3:41 PM):  can i ask one more question about the whole thing
Angela (3:42 PM):  go
Icarus (3:42 PM):  did you really think it would be okay to date one of my friends after telling me that we, how did you put it, shouldn't date
Angela (3:43 PM):  i felt that way before i met your friend
Icarus (3:43 PM):  that's not what i'm asking
Icarus (3:44 PM):  i mean did you think i was gonna say "hey great you two krazy kids should get together"
Angela (3:44 PM):  well, i will say that i was unsure about it at first
Angela (3:44 PM):  and so was he
Angela (3:44 PM):  which is probably why it didn't work out
Angela (3:46 PM):  and honestly, if i didn't know you liked me "that way" until "that night" then how would he and i dating be an issue?
Angela (3:46 PM):  cuz i didn't know you liked me
Angela (3:46 PM):  "that way" until "that night"
Angela (3:47 PM):  then yes, i said yes to your "we should date" question
Angela (3:47 PM):  so, i'll say once again (and I hope this will not affect our friendship for the future) I deeply apologize for it all and wish it never happened

At the time I knew that in six months I'd probably not care but when everything first came down, it was painful.  Because she wasn't just some lady I met at a party.  She was a friend who I started hanging out with and, through misinterpreting some signals, started to have actual feeling for.  Of course after IM"s like this one, I have to ask, what was I thinking!

Then again, I also have to remember that we are all fallable human beings and while most of us are generally good, we do have our moments of weakness when we let others and ourselves down.  And in February when we got together for tea, we went over what had happened between us and she apologized for hurting me and for her part in everything. 

And now enough time has past that I don't feel the way I felt anymore.  At Guy's Night Out the other week, the desire to punch So-Suede was completely absent.  It's a factor of at least three things:  1)  enough time has passed to ease the pain; 2)  it's finally sunk in that she wasn't that great of a catch, and he's got nothing on me; and 3)  someone else has come along.  Someone who appreciates me and all that I have to offer. 

While Angela got a Cade McNown draft bust, I traded up and am thinking Superbowl. 

Forgive me if I've used that title before.  For the first time since December, So-Suede, the Krazy Gautamalan, QK and me got together.  So-Suede sent the invite last week but I was out of town so I suggested tonight instead.  It seems everyone was available.  It wasn't nearly as awkward as I thought it would be.

 For one thing, I didn't have the desire to punch him like I did at Krazy Guat's birthday party a few months ago.  My feeling was pretty neutral.  I guess I'm over it except for the part about not wanting to give the appearance of condoning his actions through moving on without any acknowledgement of what happened.  I foresee that GNO will reappear on my calendar and when the warm weather finally gets here, Bacci playing in the park will resume, but our friendship will never quite be the same.

There were a couple opportunities for me to take some digs at So-Suede, but I let them slide.  Like when he wanted to know how he could get the phone number of a lady at the next table whom he thought attractive but didn't get to talk with all night.  I could have said "well I could go out with her and you could start having secret coffee dates!"

Toward the end of the evening at Peace, I struck up a conversation with the ladies who were seated at our shared table.  I wasn't interested in any of them, just merely trying to practice being more engaging but there was one who I found cuter and I did talk to her a bit more.  It probably is a coincidence but it seems like the moment I showed more attention to one of the ladies, was the moment So-Suede came over and started chatting her up. 

At the Hidden Cove, So-Suede was trying to figure out the last time we were there and I reminded him that it was the night with Angela.   

I find myself wonder what it is that make him so special...what he has that I don't.  Not in the pathetic, depressed way I did a few months ago but more in a "seriously, what's so great about him"  sort of way. 

Last weekend I came across three tidbits of information that I'm sure has some bigger meaning in the grand scheme of things but I'll be damned if I know what that meaning is at this point.

• At the Forever Green Party a friend came up to me and told me that I know his ex-girlfriend who dumped him the week before:  QNL is someone I went on two dates with last year.  This supports Lisa C. theory that people are attracted to similar people so if someone seems interested in you, it only makes sense that they will like one of your friends even more since like attracts like.  Okay, but it seems like I'm long overdue for someone to like me more than one of my friends.
  
• Also at Forever Green this guy who is a lot like Fun Bobbie from Friends came up to me and said "you were with that girl here last year, weren't you?"  He was referring to SSP girl whom I also went out with on about 2 or 3 dates last year.  I said as much and he said that he has been feeling guilty because he made out with her that night at this party and when he saw us together later that evening he felt awful because he thinks so much of me.  That would explain the sudden change in SSP who went from adoring me to wanting me to go home as quickly as possible.
  
• I also heard that my ex-girlfriend got married last year.  I'm happy for her though it sounds like an arranged marriage that she is trying to make work.  What is semi-disturbing is the person who told me didn't know Kasia and I dated.  She doesn't talk about me at all.  Fair enough, it's not like we dated for years or anything. 

It didn't phase me at all that QNL and my friend dated longer than we did.  And I didn't care that Fun Bobbie and SSP Girl made out because she really isn't a catch at all.  And I'm truly happy that Kasia found someone who speaks Polish and she can connect with.  But I guess it bothers me a little bit that I'm not acknowledged.  I guess she really needed to move on and forget about me and our time.