4 posts tagged “adventures in dating”

So it's official: Icarus has a girlfriend.  I couldn't be happier and am enjoying spending whatever time I can with the new lady in my life.  But I do find that I'm oscilating between wanting to tell the world and wanting to keep this news a secret as long as possible. 

People ask me how long we have been a couple.  It's one thing to ask how long we have been dating.  That's easy; our first date was March 15.  But when do you start the clock on when the relationship began.  Was it after the date where she admitted she liked me?  Or was it when we had our first kiss?

The other question that most ask is how did we meet.  We actually met a few years ago and went on a date.  It was a good date and I wanted to see her again so I called.  She never called back, though she did send me some emails asking about the marathon.  She said that it was probably because she lived in Joliet at the time and the distance would have been too much. 

Fortunately, we ran into each other at a social function in February and I mustered all my courage to ask her out again.  Luckily, she saw something different in me.  She said that I seemed more sure of myself than I did years ago.  So a little dump pass turned into a dinner date.  Attempts for a second date seemed to be stalled but going for it on fourth and long moved the chains and kept the drive alive.  A few bumps along the way came from my crazy work schedule sending me to Miami for a week, but by then we realized we wanted to keep seeing each other.

So now it's a matter of gradually introducing her to my friends and meeting hers and seeing what the summer holds in store for us.  The Adventure begins....

Well the Chicago Bears won the NFL Championship and are going to the Super Bowl in two weeks.  And with that comes Super Bowl Party invitations.  here's what has come my way so far:

• One official Evite for a a Super Bowl Party;
• One text message from a friend who says "if people are up for it I'd have something at my place";
• Two friends who have said "if the Bears make the Super Bowl, party at my place".

Two years ago I tried to go to more than one party and it was a lot of work.  Last year I went to a party I did not want to go to because I didn't want to for "appearances".  This year, I'm going to whichever party is the best option for me.

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So I've promised to write about my Dating Adventures.  There isn't a whole lot to write home about, at least from a concrete evidence point of view.  The night before New Year's Eve, I met a lady through my friend Patrick.  While we get along well and have fun together, I'm not feeling that special feeling that I talked about.  We went to an event Saturday night and she was acting like we were out on a date.  I figured we would have to have an awkward talk but then the following conversation took place:

Gina:  How long did you date your ex?

Me:  Three months.

Gina: Have you ever dated an American Girl before me?

Me:  [Awkward Pause.]

Gina:  What am I saying, we're not dating.  I don't know what I'm saying, I'm drunk.

We went on to agree to have a talk about it when she was less drunk.  A little later she said we don't need to talk, next time we are out, we are just out. 

I read online advice columns.  I admit it.  I read Tales from the Front, Tell Me About It, Savage Love and occasionally Sex & Moxie.  From Cheryl Lavin to Carolyn Hax, Dan Savage to Moxie, the same questions seem to come up all the time and while the answers are slightly different from advice columnist to advice columnist, there are some universal truths, if you will.

Here's a quote from yesterday's Tell Me About It column:

Flirting is the universal, time-proven romantic reconnaissance vehicle. You flirt almost imperceptibly, she flirts back (or not, and you back off), you flirt subtly, she flirts back (or not), you flirt less subtly, she flirts back (or not), you flirt overtly, she flirts back (or not), you realize you've put everyone else off breakfast, you ask her out. Each escalation marks an opportunity for graceful deflection -- your cue to back off.  Hax 12/17/2006

This may seem like "duh-uh" advice but I think two root problems with dating can be seen above.  Person1 (in this case and usually the guy) flirts, and Person2 (usually a lady) has a choice.  She can flirt back.  She can gracefully deflect.  Or she can gracelessly deflect.  That's Problem1.  Some people just can't say "I'm flattered but not interested."  Or they can't believe you had the audracity to find them attractive and show any interest. 

Problem2 is that Person1 can ignore or not realize that they were give the cue to back off.  This can happen if Person2 was too subtle or otherwise unclear that she was anything but interested.  In an attempt to be kind, Person2 is being anything but because she keeps hope alive for the poor sap who doesn't get it.

One of the things I promised to write about on this blog was my Adventures in Dating, or lack thereof, so here goes.  Recently I came across two ladies on the opposite ends of the dating spectrum.  Besides knowing me, they also have in common the same first name. 

The first Alice is someone I first met three years ago at a Madri Gras Party. From time to time I'd run into her at random events but never really crossed over into friend zone.  I did get some "creed" when she found out we had a mutual friend in common. 

Anyway, I ran into Alice at an event a couple weeks ago and we hung out most of the night.  We were flirty and I noticed that her Claddagh Ring was set to single.  There come a point in the night when defenses come down and people are more themselves...usually by the closing of the open bar.  She told me that she and her boyfriend broke up a week and a half ago, but he was coming there to meet her. 

The second Alice I met on a trip to New Orleans for the Madri Gras half Marathon (okay, that's another connection...Madri Gras).  I haven't seen her in years.  We caught up and were mildly flirty.  The person who re-connected us told me that Alice "just started seeing someone".  That could mean a lot of things but all I need to take from this Message from the Universe is that neither of these Alices are options right now.