Mysteries of Life

How hard is it

nobody@vox.com(Icarus) — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 17:02:30 -0500

A couple job changes ago, I made the unfortunate mistake of not watching my 401K. This happened just before the market tanked and like many people, my portfolio reduced itself like a bulimic model on Atkins. After make a mental note to take care of this, forgetting to do so, making another mental note, repeat a few times, I decided to pay someone else to watch my money. One of the people I train for marathons with actually does this for a living. I won't mention the company name because for the most part, Fred has done a fantastic job of securing my investments and making me money, although really, there wasn't anywhere else to go but up.

However, when it comes to dealing with paperwork, his crew is a giant FAIL.

Issue 1: My benefactor's social security number. He and his assistant were adamant that I provide the SS# for the person who, in the event of my unfortunate demise, would get my money (less their processing fees, I'm sure).

I could have taken the path of least resistance and asked my mom for her SS#, but I was feeling like quite the Dark Angel that day, so I asked a question of the admin, the exchange went something like this:

Me: So can I make anyone I want my benefactor?

Admin: yes, I just need their social.

Me: anyone at all, even if they are not a relative?

Admin: of course. Who did you have in mind?

Me: How about Tony Blair, former prime minister of Great Britain...what do you think his American instituted savings plan social security number is?

Admin: [deer in headlights look] uh....

Me: I'm guessing the geeks in Benefits at Edward Jones Corporate push you to get socials because it makes their life easier, but I'm guessing there are procedures for beneficiaries that don't have social security numbers.

Issue 2: last time I checked, it was the 21st century and there was a big todo about saving the planet. Yet I get constant paper mailings for every transaction, update, etc involving my account. I went to the website,logged onto my account and opted for paperless everything.

I still get paper mailings. On my last visit to their office, I asked, begged, pleaded with Fred's new assistant (I guess I broke the old one) for paperless everything. She assured me that it was taken care of...yet I still get paper mailings.

Issue 3: I decided to take my savings account that was earning me a whopping $12 a year in interest and buy some savings bonds which would bring in more yield. Fred raved about how our mutual friend is doing this and she loves getting a check every few months, especially now that she is underemployed. I said sign me up. He kept boosting about how I'll get a check. So I didn't think to explicitly ask "when I would see that check!"

Fred backpedaled and said that since I didn't ask for one, he assumed it would go into the new account he opened for me -- which comes with another layer of paper generation. I said I wanted the interest check to put some of the money back into my now depleted savings account in case of an emergency.

Fred suggests we do a direct deposit to avoid having to request a check from corporate, which is all the way in St Louis and couldn't possibly get it to big bad Chicago for 5 days as it would arrive via horse drawn carriage (what did you think the Budweiser Clydesdales day job was?).

Naturally I had to fill out more paperwork. First, the phone call from the Admin. She asked me the account number I wanted the deposit made to and the routing number, which I was able to look up electronically using this thing called My Bank's Website. Then she printed the form and faxed it to me, adding that she couldn't print the form before inputing the routing number because the software doesn't let her print blank forms. Brilliant!

I get the fax from her and after filling it out, I send it to the fax number she provided. It is their office number main line! I look at one of the 7846 business cards that Fred has sent me over the year and none have his fax number on it. His corporate website has a listing for each account manager but no fax number. I decide that I'm done playing and put the form in an envelope and mail it to them. I figure I'm in downtown Chicago, they are in downtown Chicago, the Post Office will get it there by tomorrow and Fred will hear about this and wonder what happened.

A week later I get a letter with a check that I have to deposit into my account.

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Dibs all year long

nobody@vox.com(Icarus) — Mon, 05 Oct 2009 14:31:12 -0500

So the other night I squeeze into the only available parking space on my block. On the plus side, it was in front of my building, but on the down side it was an extremely tight fit. However, with some patience and mad skills, I managed to get into the spot without even tapping either vehicle in front of me. The car in front of me was lined up right behind the Tow Zone sign so there wasn't much leeway there. But the vehicle behind me -- which i recognized as my condo secretary's PT Cruiser -- seemed like it was trying to save two spots with one car.

I have no emperical proof of this, but it is a semi-common practice in my hood. Call it the all-season's dibs. I once saw a guy park his car on an almost empty street yet position it in a way that it wasted the space in front and back. I asked him if he was aware of how he was parking and he said "yeah, I'm saving a spot for my wife who gets home after 10 [pm]." It was 6:30pm. He explained, unsolicited, that he was puerto rican and therefore a citizen who pays his taxes and is entitled to a parking space. But the really kicker was that he pointed out which house was his on the block and, when I checked it out later, found that he has a 3 car garage, which he probably rents out for extra cash. God bless America.

Anyway, back to the present. I happened to look out my window and see my neighbor and his wife do a car swap. They moved their PT Cruiser and replaced it with their mini-van. I thought, "perfect, now I should have more room when he gets done parking." That was a premature thought because I checked a few minutes later to discover the buttmunch parked as close to my car as possible, leaving 5 ft behind his mini-van. Maybe he thought the car behind him would leave. The old guy who owns that car usually only moves it for street cleaning purposes but maybe, just maybe, at 10:45pm, he would suddenly decide he needs to satisify his crave and hit the ole White Castle or something.

I thought about knocking on his door and politely asking, "WTF were you thinking?", but no good would come of it. Buttmunch didn't have time to do a good job of parking because he had to hurry up and get to our common deck and start sending up a lot of second hand cigarette smoke toward my open windows. I'll just have to hope that I'm not in a hurry to get to work tomorrow and ding his car while trying to get out of the tight spot.

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I wanna quit the gym

nobody@vox.com(Icarus) — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 22:33:35 -0500

I've been a member of the Ray Meyer Fitness Center at DePaul Unversity's Lincoln Park campus since 2004. It was a great deal at the time: a gym on the way home from work with a discounted alumni membership rate. All I had to do was pack my workout bag in the morning and get off at Fullerton Brown line stop after work, go work out, and get back on. At first I was even able to complete a workout and get back on the EL within the same 2 hour transfer window. But the workouts got longer as I'd include a spin class. That prompted me to switch to a monthly CTA pass.

Over the years, things have changed. Though my office is located near all of the major El lines, I don't take the brown line to work anymore, so it's not as convienent to take it home and stop at the gym -- especially if I leave my car at the blue line station in Irving Park. Also, the gym mostly caters to students, not alumni nor other non-student members. This is evident by the elimination many of the late evening spin classes.

So after realizing that I hadn't been to the gym since Febraury, I called and asked about cancelling my membership. You can't just do it over the phone, you have to fill out a Membership Cancelation Form (MCF). The lady who took my call offered to fax me the form. About a day or two went by when I realized I didn't receive the fax. I called back and asked for someone to fax me the MCF. This went on for a couple of months. I'd periodically remember that I wanted to quit the gym and would call and never receive the fax.

I decided to drop in one Sunday afternoon before going to mass since my church, also DePaul, is across the street. Alias, the Membership Relations part of the gym was closed at the time I got there (about 90 minutes too late). No one could find the MCF form although a nice polish kid did try to help. I started to count this as one of those times when it would be helpful to speak the langauge of my ancestors, but it turns out it wouldn't have made a difference because he couldn't find the form.

I politely suggested that putting the form on the website might be 1) useful, 2) 21st century and 3) a FUCKTACULAR idea. His response indicated that he had drunk a full gallon of the corporate cool-aid when he said "oh the reason we don't is because we have it right here where you need it when you want it".

"but you don't have it here," I pointed out. he smiles and shrugs his shoulders while checking the same file cabinet for the fourth time to see if the MCF has magically appeared.

Flash forward to Monday. I called the gym again for the MCF. This time it actually arrived at my fax machine! I filled out the form and tried to fax it back. I'd hear the busy signal and the report sheet would come back busy/no response. The thing about cancelation is that if you don't do it by the 15th of the current month, you are charged for the next month. I'd be able to use the gym but since I'm not using it now, it's kinda a moot point. I was determined to get this resolved, so I called and asked if their fax machine was, in fact, working.The lady who answered -- same voice as the one who promised to always send me the fax -- said it was working. Let's call her name is Trudy. I explained my issue and Trudy suggested I try it again, and added, if it doesn't work I can email it to you.

I know what she meant, at least I hope she meant that I could email her a scanned document, but if not, I'm not sure how her emailing me something would help.

After trying to send the fax several times over the next couple of days, I called back and got the same lady and asked if I could scan the MCF and email it to someone. She said sure and gave me an email address. This is on a Friday afternoon and With the 15th of the month deadline drawing near, I could just see my email sitting in someone's junk/spam folder.

Finally, at the end of the day, I get an email that say:

Icarus,
I am out of town until Tuesday, I will have Trudy follow up with you regarding your cancellation.

Thanks for letting us know.

Nancy

Now I'm thinking that the fate of membership, whether or not I will be charged another month's dues, depends on the skillset of Trudy, the lady who couldn't or wouldn't fax me the MCF all these months. The lady who thought the problem with her fax machine could be solved by emailing me. I'll be lucky if I don't get charged twice each month from here on in!

While heading home I entertain a wild thought: there's a scene in the movie Reality Bites where Winona Ryder sets camp at a gas station and offers to pay for everyone's gas in exchange for cash. I start to figure out if there is a way I can do this with my gym membership. Maybe just send homeless person after homeless person into the gym to use the shower and take advantage of the complimentary towels! Alas, I recall that they check my gym card against a photo they have on file.

The good news is that Monday I did receive an automated email from Campus Recreation: "We received your request for cancellation. Your membership will expire on 7/31/09. " The bad news is I've gained some extra pounds and could really use a gym to work out at right about now.

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Dry cleaning business model

nobody@vox.com(Icarus) — Fri, 19 Jun 2009 12:16:32 -0500

One of the many things I learned from the former SigOther is One Price Dry Cleaner. Most dry cleaners charge over $3 to dry clean and press men's slacks. But OPDC does it for $2.29, a savings of a $1 per pair. Unfortunately, they are not very conviently located for those of us who live outside the Trixie Zone.*

So it's worth it to me to make a special trip to one of the OPDC in the city. However, they always seem to be understaffed. whenever i walk in there, there is one person ahead of me and only one person behind the four counters.

Today, I got there about 6pm and it was the same situation. before I knew it, four more people got in line behind me. I'm not an MBA nor do I own a business but I gotta think, maybe your business model should allow for peak time coverage! I mean people usually drop things off at the dry cleaners on their way to work and pick them up after work, or vice versa. And last time I checked, unemployment was in double digits so I'm thinking there's someone out there who would take a job at a dry cleaner.

* Trixie Zone is what I refer to as the part of Chicago people who didn't grow up in the city believe is all there is to Chicago. They feel the city's borders are Evanston to the north, downtown to the south, the lake of course to the east and about Ashland or maybe Western Ave to the West.

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Race relations

nobody@vox.com(Icarus) — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 16:56:21 -0500

One reason we don't rule Chicago: I walked into a Polish deli the other day and when it was my turn at the counter, the girl who waited on me naturally started talking. I said that my Polish is bad so I need to use English, which is only a lie if you allow that I do know a few words and phrases but nothing that could really help order food.

"Oh that's alright. You just look like one of us."

"I am one of you, I just don't speak the language."

She took my order but had no interest in small talk. Either because perhaps she isn't confident in her English or she was disappointed that another Pole doesn't know the language of his heritage.

****************
Posted this on Rant'n'Rave on Craigslist: So I'm at this street fest and a guy is bumping up against me. Look over and see that he's buckling a bit at the knees. he's not really causing me any harm so I turn back to my friends. But he does it again and again. One of his friends notices and she says:

"hey bendaho (sp?) you're so drunk you are bumping into that white guy."

This is a group of hispanic looking people, I do not know of which specific persuasion. But I gotta know, WHY couldn't she just say "you're bumping into that guy." Why is pointing out my color necessary? It's not like there were 10 people of different races standing there that the guy was bumping into so he wouldn't have to try and distinguish which guy he was bumping.

can anyone honestly explain this?

I got one response. The responder said "because (drum roll) . . . you are white. Not complicated. Its just an adjective. Dont be so defensive."

Great. I was really just curious and he/she plays the Defensive Card. From now on, I will describe every latino I encounter as brown guy/girl. I'm sure no one will be defensive about that.

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Real Estate and Corporate blues

nobody@vox.com(Icarus) — Tue, 19 May 2009 16:47:30 -0500

Hitting this wall again and again: Since the interest rates have gone done I've been watching them, waiting for the perfect moment when it would be worth it to refi. My "problem" is I have so low a rate -- 5.625 -- already that the rates really have to drop for it to be worth it. Every time they have come close enough there has been a problem, be it a blemish on my credit report which took months to fix or now my property value being too underwater to merit a traditional refi (yet ironically not enough to qualify for the new Obama programs).

However, that doesn't stop me from trying or from mortgage brokers to contact me. In order to cut to the chase, I have a fact sheet already prepared with all the info they would ask me. Balance on first loan, balance on HELOC, interest rates, terms, condo info, etc. After all, it's not the first time I'm doing this. I do this to save time and also because these guys tend to call me when I'm sitting in my cubicle where my co-workers can overhear all this semi-private information.

But some people just need to follow a script....

Today's Mortgage Robot: Hello Mr Icarus, your [financial advisor connection], forwarded your info to

me...oh I see I have a lot of the info I'd need to ask you.

ME: Yes, I'm guessing there isn't much you can do with my LTV and such but it never hurts to ask.

Mortgage Robot: So how much is left on your first mortgage that I see here in this informative email

that says it's xxx dollars.

ME: xxx dollars.

Mortgage Robot: And that 30 year fixed 5.625% loan, what is the interest rate on that?

Me: 5.625.

Mortgate Robot: and that 30 year fixed loan is for how long?

Me: 30 years fixed.

mortgage Robot: Okay well let me look at the numbers and I'll let you know what I can do.

Me: Oh I can't wait!

************

Killing those electronic trees: One of the things that makes working in Corporate America so Dilbertesque is that you get situations where someone decides to take a cookie cutter approach to everything. I'm a firm believer in the exception to the rule scenario but this concept is often lost on higher ups who are more focused on following the exact letter of the law without applying any reason at all.

So we have to use this company template for all documentation. It includes our logo in the header and a table of contents page and a separate page to track author and version edits. [Never mind that the document management software system I was hired to manage does this.] This was designed and is useful for large documents that get edited frequently and are collaborated upon by many.

But some of the documentation I have to write are really simple instructions on how to do something, three or four steps at the most. No need to have a five page document for it. But we will.

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30 Days Without my Car

nobody@vox.com(Icarus) — Mon, 04 May 2009 14:01:58 -0500

Thanks to some buttmunch who threw something at my windshield, I am without the use of my car for the next

DSC03994

month. The crack isn't very bad from the outside but inside the car it looks worse. And it's technically an undrivable vehicle. I can have it fixed quickly but the problem is this:

My city sticker would have to be replaced and Chicago charges a $30 fee for doing this even though it is not my F-ing fault this happened. But always looking to make a quick buck, the city doesn't care. Well, since the sticker renewal is in June, there's no point in getting a replacement sticker just to have to fork over another $75 next month.

Luckily, I don't need to drive my car very often. As it is, it's pretty much a weekend only vehicle. I do like to use it for groceries.

The irony is that I stayed in on Saturday night even though I had got a last minute invite to a party...I talked myself out of going because I didn't want to give up my good parking space in front of my building.

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Always knew this would happen someday

nobody@vox.com(Icarus) — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 15:43:35 -0500

For a long time, the running part of my life has been solid and improving while the other areas of my life had been unstable, chaotic and even in disarray. It seems that things have changed. Now that I'm in a stable, long term relationship with marriage on the horizon, and my job situation is more functional and positive than it has been in years, it seems the trade off is my running skills.

For the last year or so, my running ability has deteriorated. At first it seemed to only occur with long distances, like marathons and training runs in excess of 18 miles. But recently I've struggled with short runs and races, posting my worst half marathon result ever last month at the Cary March Madness Half Marathon (on the Ides of March no less).

Running has been a very cyclic experience for me this last decade. I've had seasons where I've seemed to slow down only to rise again the next year and light up the boards with new PRs. But something is different this time. It seems like I just cannot run fast or far. I've dropped down to an 8:30 mm pace group, I've done my training runs slower when necessary but I still am struggling. The only thing that seems to help even marginally is to increase the number of rest days. Therefore, as soon as I get through the next three races I've already paid for -- St Louis half marathon, Kenosha Marathon and Soldier Field 10 miler -- I will take an entire season off.

I'll still run when I can fit it in, but I won't be tied to a training schedule and there will be no races to complete. Suffice it to say, I won't be anywhere in the zip code of 1000 miles for 2009.

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Some Random Thoughts

nobody@vox.com(Icarus) — Wed, 25 Feb 2009 23:18:04 -0600

The Touch

At a street fest last year, I was moving through the crowd and I saw this girl that I knew somewhere. Our paths have crossed many times over the years but I've never peaked her interest. She only hugs me when she is drunk.

As we passed each other, it was too crowded to hug, so we grasped hands. In that moment, it seemed as if we connected, but only for that moment. It was half acknowledgement, half apology...that our story didn't have more flavor to it.

****

Why I think interest rates are what they are

as of this writing, the interest rate is about 5.3%, even though the Fed is like zero. I'm sure there is a good reason for, perhaps something to do with the Finance-speak I saw on a newsletter:

Mortgage backed securities(MBS)prices are near unchanged this morning as traders brace for a record $67 billion in new supply. FNMA 4.5% coupon currently @100.64bps, +3bps. Stocks are retreating on concern the deepening recession will decimate consumer spending. Yields on 10yr note has increased 98bps in 8 weeks from 2.04% to 3.02% as the Fed's decision not to purchase long term debt has excaberated efforts to reduce consumer borrowing costs, ie mortgages, auto loans etc.
[source: Bryan Kelly, Wintrust Mortgage 2/9/2009]

My theory is that now that loan applicants are being scrutinized more, the odds are better that those who do manage to get loans will be more likely to pay those loans for the lifetime of said loan (duh!). So banks make more money by charging a) more interest or b) less interest!

If you said a) you are not a conspiracy theorist, just a skeptic.

********

My coworkers think I'm a freak for not dreading coming into the office in the morning

One morning last week as I was cutting through the Bank of America building to get to work, I ran into a friend I hadn't seen in a while. It was 3 minutes before 9 and were I still at the consulting firm, I would have been gripped with panic because we had to be at the office by 8:30 or our first assignment by 8:30/9am on the dot. Being a minute late was inexcusable. If you're gonna be late, you should leave your house earlier so that you aren't, is their logic. Because you have nothing better to do than get to a client half an hour early...so that you can finish up and go to another client before the day ends and work late too.

But fortunately, I don't have to be rude a friend I pass on the street because I have to check in with Core Command every 5 minutes. My boss doesn't care when I show up or when I leave, only that I get my work done and our systems are covered.

I'm still going through some post-consulting firm stress withdrawl and there are times when I still think in the old mode, but I'm slowly recovering.

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Things to come

nobody@vox.com(Icarus) — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 16:20:05 -0600

House Hunting Story #4: So there is this house that I've always admired ever since I first saw it around the corner from the IAHC back in 1999. Well the house is for sale. I came across it by accident because it wasn't in an area I was looking or in my price range. Fortunately, since Realtors are bad at urban geography, one of the search engines listed Mayfair as part of Portage Park. ZipRealty was able to provide details on how long it was on the market.

I asked my agent to schedule a showing and we took a look. Their realtor, Mr Dublin, was friendly and chatted up the features of the home. This was a bit unnecessary because unless you are blind, the hardwood floors, hearth style fireplace, original woodwork and pocket doors speak for themselves. But he did say something that bothered me. He said that they considered the age of the building and work that still might need to be done on the place -- roof, siding, windows -- in the asking price. Except that the place was on the market for nearly 100 days before it dropped $20K and that was probably only because no one was showing any interest in the place at all. I'm sure if I were the seller, I'd want as much money for a place that size as I could get, especially since the lot is large, the house is big and the location is great. I imagine Mr Dublin and the Seller having conversations that go something like this:

Mr Dublin: well no one came to see the place again, are you sure you won't consider reducing the price?

Seller: no, it's a big house worth $600K.

Mr Dublin: not in today's market.

Seller: just show them the remodeled kitchen.

Mr Dublin: you really don't want to sell your place do you?

**************************

An ex-girlfriend qualified for Boston three weeks after we ran the Chicago Marathon last year. I'm happy for her of course. Her passion for running is almost as intense as mine though she didn't start marathoning until last year and on her 4th attempt she managed to do what I haven't achieved in 20 tries.

It would be easy to cop out and claim that the 30 extra minutes females get over their male counter parts in the Boston Qualification times is what led to her getting in. But the truth is that 30 minutes is given for a reason: on average, most females take about 30 minutes longer than males to run the same distance, Paula Radcliffes and Deanna Kastor aside. Science has shown that, on average, females are better distance runners and males are better speed runners.

No she really worked hard this summer after being injured last year and just missing her BQ time in St Louis and Chicago this year. But it does kinda make me feel like I squandered all my opportunities to BQ and am suddenly experiencing a down cycle in my running ability. I seem to have lost both my speed and endurance lately and don't know if they are temporarily MIA or gone for good.

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